I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
