just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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