god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
