He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
