STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
