so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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