he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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