If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Randomize
