I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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