operation have a gay friend backfired
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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