somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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