are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's shark week go big or go home
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
