I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
