Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
