so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
