I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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