WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
