Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize