don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
