Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
