some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
