Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
