if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
