That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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