thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
