last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
