he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
