i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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