Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
