Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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