I puked a lego.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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