it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize