I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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