he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
