i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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