Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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