Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
