I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
