Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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