I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
