The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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