i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
