...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A+ Viking dick
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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