At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
