God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
