Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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