Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
