I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
