is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
