I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
