I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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