Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
