So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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