Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
