saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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