He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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