Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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