She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
