This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
