all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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