he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
