Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
