so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
