I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
