jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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