This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
