We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
