I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
