but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
