Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
