Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
