the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize