she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
