my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
They have beer where we have blood.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
