We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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