It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
