Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
