i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
