booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
