too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
