can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
