he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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