Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i dont even know how to be here
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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