I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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