Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
