Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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