im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize