woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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