Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize