you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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