Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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