I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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