Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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