Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
