So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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