i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
