my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize