He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
