Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
