my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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