Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
