He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I will pee on everything he values.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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