Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
