Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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