I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
