Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
